


no more

by sweetsindle



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Abuse, Aster's nickname is Bluebird, Canon Rewrite, Character Study, Ciel finally got his brother to where he wanted him, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Forced Bonding, Forced Stockholm Syndrome, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Kidnapping, Poisoning, Sebastian Michaelis - mentioned, Sebastian Michaelis is dead, What-If
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-12
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:14:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24124972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetsindle/pseuds/sweetsindle
Summary: ɴᴏᴛʜɪɴɢ ɪꜱ ʟᴇꜰᴛ ꜰᴏʀ ᴀꜱᴛᴇʀ. ᴄɪᴇʟ ᴛᴏᴏᴋ ɪᴛ ᴀʟʟ.
Relationships: Ciel Phantomhive & Real Ciel Phantomhive
Comments: 7
Kudos: 116





	no more

Everything ached, in every sense of the word. 

I laid in my bed - my old one, from childhood, twisted in the powder blue silken sheets, breathing in the smell of lilacs. Surrounded by pillows, fluffy, hand-stitched stuffed animals of all kinds, and royal, velvety-blue drapery covered me, shading me from the light, unpeaking from mine and my elder brother's old bedroom windows. 

Darkness poured from every corner of the room, shrowding me in it. I couldn't see a single thing. Not that it mattered, anyway. What was there to see? What I couldn't see, couldn't hurt me...or at least that's what I told myself, ever since my days had become like this. The exact same. Monotonous, yet hair-raising, stomach-ache inducing, and dizzying all at the same time. 

Nothing was the same, ever since he came back. Since he took me away from everyone I once knew...since, he had gotten everyone I had once known to leave me. I had no one. I was utterly helpless. _All alone._ No one to help me, no one to be there for me...no one to listen...no one to care. 

That had always been his goal. To make me as defenseless as possible - and when the time was right, to swoop me up like a ravenous vulture and fly me away to his nest, high upon a menacing cliff, far, far away from anyone's grasp...to high up for anyone to ever hear my cries for help. 

No one would ever hear me. And if they did, they wouldn't care. 

I didn't want to accept it, that undeniable fact, but now...that's all I could do. All alone in my childhood bedroom, with nothing but stuffed animals for a companion, all I could do was lie here and sob. 

What else could I? There was no revenge I could achieve anymore. Sebastian was dead. Ciel made sure of it, and Undertaker carried out the execution. I had no one to turn to, either. Soma and Lizzy despised me. Sieglinde hadn't had a clue where I was. I was sure that all the boys in the Phantom Five didn't want to be associated, and why would they? The entirety of England was against me. I was nothing but a low-life. A disgusting, horrible criminal to them! And Auntie, Uncle Alexis, and Edward? Once they heard I was in Ciel's care, they didn't think twice. The servants? They barely got away with their lives...and that was because I told them to run and never, ever come back. 

I'm alone. Utterly and absolutely, completely alone. 

I took several deep, shaky breathes as I held the stuffed, deep-brown owl toy in my arms, icy tears streaming down my face like a waterfall. Everything hurt. And nothing would make it stop. It would only get worse. I knew this.

Whenever I'd finally get a chance to eat that day, I knew I'd be poisoned. I didn't want to. But what choice did I have? If I didn't eat, Ciel would hurt me. Not physically...he had never once assaulted me. Not one touch of aggression had he ever given me. Ciel hurt other people, though. He'd already hurt Agni and Soma...I couldn't let him hurt anyone else. 

Every part of my body ached. The poison made me horribly, horribly ill. Too weak to function. Too weak to get out of bed, let alone move my legs! I was constantly dizzy, and it was even a chore to lift my head off the downy pillows I laid upon. 

No matter what I did, I was always in pain, and nothing could make me feel better. Not until he stopped poisoning me. But that would be for a long time, I knew. It would be another forever before he ever trusted me enough to be free of it. Oh, how I wished that he would see that he could. After all, even if I did have my health back, where could I possibly go?

No one wanted me anymore. Everyone hated me. Even if I did, I'd probably be sent right back, or they'd tell Ciel where I was, and he'd come to get me, resulting in an even bigger punishment than this. What it could be, I had no idea...and I didn't want to find out. 

I had nothing. 

_I was nothing._

Nothing mattered anymore. There was no reason to even try anymore. I buried my face in my pillows, sobs wracking my fragile body. Everything was too much. I couldn't handle it anymore. I just wanted the pain to stop. I'd do whatever Ciel wanted - I hated this! 

I just wanted to be treated like a person...to feel like I mattered again. It would only happen if I did more than barely tolerate Ciel's presence. I needed to 'love' him also...whatever that meant. I didn't know how. He was dead. A corpse. How was I supposed to? It's not like if I told him today that I did that, he would care at all. He doesn't have a soul! He...He can't feel anymore...He doesn't _care_ anymore. 

Even so, it didn't matter. It didn't matter how I felt about Ciel. It didn't matter if he wasn't Ciel to me anymore. It didn't matter if he wasn't my big brother anymore. What I thought didn't matter. It never did.

I just...he could...I...If I accepted him...If I was, how he wanted me to be: weak, cute, loving, and utterly reliant on him, I knew I wouldn't have to suffer like this anymore. Undertaker, that horrible, horrible man told me so. But should I give in?

I wearily lifted my head for a moment as I turned on my side, almost immediately collapsing back into my pillows afterward - my head spun like a record. I could barely concentrate, even in the dark. Snuggling up the owl toy I held, the swelling I felt in my head started to die down a tiny bit - until I heard my door being unlocked - causing it to pound like crazy.

A tiny whimper escaped my cracked lips, tears welling back up in my already red, puffy eyes, from crying already quite a bit. I heard the door gently swing open, quiet footsteps padding across the room, to my bed, followed by a cart and another pair of feet.

 _'Ciel and Undertaker...'_ I thought, not ready to face them at all. I was starving, yes, but was it worth having to see their faces?

Quietly, the drapes were pulled back, revealing my undead older brother and Undertaker, just as I had suspected only seconds earlier. Immediately, my eyes and head ached from the soft noises and light, making me retract into my bedding. 

Ciel leaned over me, his usual, sickly-sweet smile on his face as he carefully took a strand of hair that was covering one of my eyes, and tucked it behind my ear, and gave me a kiss on my temple that made me shiver. "How's my little Bluebird today, hm? Hungry, I assume?" he asked, taking a seat neat to me. "I know it's been a bit later than it usually has...you've been a very good boy recently, and I wanted to reward you...unfortunately our new chef is still getting rather used to his job."

I looked to Ciel, blinking, as I tried to focus. My vision was hazy, and after being in the dark so long, I could barely even think straight. My head pounded like crazy. Everything hurt so bad. I just wanted it to stop!

Ciel motioned to Undertaker to come - leading him to pick up the tray that my food was on and hand it to Ciel, who set it down next to himself, before gently pulling me to his lap and letting me lay there. He reached over and picked up the spoon, and dipped it into the bowl, soon revealing itself to be broth. He moved the spoon to my lips, and stroked my brow, telling me to eat. "Your hungry, aren't you, my dear?"

I shook my head, moving myself up a bit to nuzzle his hand, surprising my brother in the process. Ciel looked to me, raising an eyebrow as he watched me, before carefully putting the spoon back into the bowl and giving me a confused look. "You never like to be touched! My my, what's this?" 

I smiled weakly at Ciel and shakily reached up to his face, placing a light hand on it, before it became too much to lift it up. He blinked, and froze, seeming to think for a bit before looking up, and turning to Undertaker, meeting his green-gold gaze, and then turning back to me. "Brother..." he whispered softly, pulling me even closer than before, and giving me a hug. "You never even..."

Ciel didn't finish his sentence. I looked up a bit, and kissed his cheek, seemingly helping him come to his final decision. "Undertaker," he started, not even taking the second to look to the older man, his eyes, once full of malice, now with nothing but love. "Get Chef Ziegler to make my brother something new to eat." 

_**I knew I'd be stuck here forever, with no hope of escape, or ever any freedom. I didn't need anyone to tell me that. At least now, as long as I was how Ciel wanted, I'd finally be able to leave my bed again.** _

_**That was better than nothing, wasn't it?** _


End file.
